Its time to speak out!

Well - I've been here over a week and I can't maintain decorum or my silence any longer!

What the hell is going on with this toilet?????

Now - I had been warned that I may come across this type of Toilet whilst on my travels in Germany but I certainly didn't expect to have to use one for my first 27 Days here. I must also add that the warning did nothing to alleviate the alarm and discomfort that comes from have to go through the motions with this contraption.

For those of you how haven't yet had the misfortune, this is what is know colloquially as the German Poo Shelf Toilet. Instead of the business plopping down into the water like in conventional toilets, with the GPST, it sits there on the bone dry porcelain shelf, taunting your nose with its vicious insults, inches from your nether regions. On occasion, in a moment of distraction, you may happen to glance down.... BIG MISTAKE! What greets you is a sight that I cannot describe for fear of turning away readers after only my third post.

Now - after you've finished up and hit the flush, water rushes across the shelf (hopefully) carrying the filth with it down the hole. Thankfully I have not had the following experience but I have heard of people who live on the top floor not having enough pressure to banish the mess and having to resort to encouraging them along with a wad of toilet paper. There is also the problem of too much pressure and propelling Mr Turdie over the lip of the bowl and across the bathroom floor. I guess the second floor has the ideal water pressure for the GPST.

I have a feeling that this toilet was designed by a woman because (and this I only discovered AFTER my first use) if you pee standing up you are very likely to end up with significant amounts of what I will call "splashback". The only other option for standing is to have extremely good accuracy and aim straight down into the water. This is not only uncomfortable, and fraught with danger, but EXTREMELY loud. It was on my second visit that I noticed this sign:

I think that with the sale of each GPST they must give away one of these signs. I wonder why he doesn't have a neck...

The same man that gave me the heads up about these toilets also thought to pass on that it is possible to purchase special plastic utensils for rummaging around in your stools. Perhaps Germans swallow a lot of valuables? - I can just see them thinking "I can not corn eating remember!"

I find it hard to believe that it was not the allies first order of business to round up and destroy all GPSTs and save future generations years of misery - but then, i guess if they did, what the hell would I have written about today?